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The Ice-Cold Royale-DEATH BATTLE!

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Literature Text

Ice Royale by onlyherefordb

Only: Alright, the combatants are set. It's time to end this debate once and for all.

Raygan: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!

Jerry: I fucking hate both of you.




2005
A random-ass forest in the middle of nowhere

   
Victor sat and tapped his fingers on the tree bark. He wasn't sure how he felt about his new adversaries. The ninja was too serious and the snowman was far too psychotic for his tastes. He was sure this plan was going to fail miserably, mostly due to his new henchmen. Of course, Freeze would never take the blame, even if it was his fault. 

    Just as Freeze was about to go over the plans one last time, a loud crash sounded throughout the forest as a large oak tree fell to the ground with a thunderous thud! A man in a white and blue ski-suit stood there. Frozone had heard rumors about a dangerous criminal meeting with new recruits and decided to take manners into his own hands.

    "Destroy him!", Victor commanded. Sub-Zero lunged forward in an attempt to kick Frozone, but Lucius' superior speed caused him to miss and hit Fries instead. "Chill out, ninja boy!", Freeze shouted in a heavy Australian accent as he blasted at Kuai with his Cold Gun. Jack, wanting in on the action, launched a flurry of icicles everywhere. All four fighters got into position, ready for the fight of their lives.

Sit back and crack open a cold one, folks!

FIGHT!


Ice Royale Sprites by onlyherefordb


    Kuai launched his fist at Frozone's face, but Lucius swiftly ducked underneath it. Sub-Zero took another swing, only for it to be dodged again. "Hey, man! You need to chill out!", Lucius quipped as he fired an ice blast at Sub-Zero. Kuai thought back to his training and back-flipped over the projectile in an instant, barely avoiding being frozen solid. Kuai focused all of his energy into his palms, creating a sharp blade in his hands. He dashed forward with his new weapon, ready to attack.

    Jack had melted away, disappearing from everyone's sight. Victor scanned the arena for the killer snowman, keeping his guard up in case of a surprise attack or an ambush. Jack slowly reformed himself behind Fries without being noticed. "Hey, shell-head! I'm right fucking here!", Jack venomously spat.  Freeze, shocked, jumped back a foot or so and aimed directly at Jack's head. He fired off his cold gun and hit Jack directly, sealing him in a solid block of ice....or so he thought. "Stay frosty!", Victor exclaimed. As Fries turned to face the others, Jack seeped out of the ice block and reformed. "Come on, Vicky! I didn't expect such a cold reception! Ahehehehe!"

    Kuai slashed at Frozone with his blade, cutting through the cold and crisp air with sharp and quick flicks of the wrist. Frozone managed to weave between each slash almost like it was an action movie, having the clear speed advantage over his opponent. Frozone looked at the exhausted ninja and laughed before punching Kuai. Frozone felt a cold chill go over him as Kuai shattered into shards of blue ice, revealing himself to be little more than a dummy, a clone meant to fool him.


    Lucius felt himself go still as he lost the ability to move, frozen solid. He didn't have much time to think, however, as Kuai charged him and hit Frozone with an uppercut hard enough to shatter the ice and to send Lucius flying back into a tree. Frozone grabbed his head, feeling the injury. He took out a pair of skis and transformed them into his sled. "How about a game of discus?", he said with a smirk.

    Jack looked at Freeze and grinned devilishly. "Hey, French Fries! Catch!", Jack yelled as he shot an icicle at Victor's face. Victor reached for his cold gun, but it was too late. The icicle shot right through his headgear and into his left eye. A scream of pain was heard throughout the area as Victor collapsed to his knees. The helmet shattered, subjecting him to the temperature of the outside world.


    He gasped for air, taking quick and ineffective breaths as his skin became visibly irritated and sickly. He couldn't breath and it felt like his lungs were collapsing. He fell to the ground, dead, the cold hard forest floor pushing the icicle even further into his brain. Blood leaked across the ground. "Well, I guess you just weren't suited for this battle! Ahahaha!", Jack exclaimed as he melted back into water and slithered off to find the others.

Three Combatants Left

    Frozone slid around on the ice tracks he created, riding them like a roller-coaster as Sub-Zero bashed bits of it to pieces with his ice scepter. A thunderous roar rang out as a blizzard hit and hail rained down from the sky. Sub-Zero was pelted with golf-ball sized chunks of ice. This was bizarre to Sub-Zero. He'd never seen anyone with greater control over ice before. He was caught in thought before being smashed across the face with a large slab of metal and sent tumbling to the ground. Luckily, the soft layers of snow caught him and broke his fall, preventing any serious injury.


    Frozone approached the grounded man and offered him a hand up. Sub-Zero refused his help, too prideful to accept it. He leaped to his feet and locked Frozone in a choke-hold. He yanked up in an attempt to decapitate him, but didn't. Before he could do it again, the struggling Lucius took his free hand and blasted Kuai with it. Sub-Zero was instantly entrapped in a block of ice with no way to escape Lucius punched the now icy-block off an arm holding him, shattering it and freeing him. He slammed the makeshift ice sculpture with his sled and smashed it into tiny bits. Sub-Zero was no more.

Two Combatants Left

    Frozone turned around to see Jack Frost reform behind him. "Looks like it's just me and you!", Jack shouted as he opened his maw to take a bite out of Lucius. Lucius pulled away and pulled his sled back out. He was about to sled off again when he realized that something was....off about Jack. He was convulsing and coughing, hacking up white liquid. Before too long, forty small snowballs laid on the ground, motionless. Frozone was confused, unsure of what he was seeing. "What in sam hell...?", he said aloud before Jack turned to him to say "The miracle of birth!"

    Lucius stared in wide-eyed horror as the snowballs "hatched" into small, infantile versions of Frost. "What the hell are these Muppet Babies rejects!?", he asked. Jack, who was surprisingly fast for a snowman, tackled Lucius through a tree while he was distracted by the babies. Splintered wood and squirrel corpses were littered around the area, and Frozone through Jack off of him before flipping back to his feet.

    Jack landed in the powdery snow with a soft thud and melted away. Lucius scanned the area cautiously. "Of all the things that have happened to me, a killer snowman is definitely in the top three", Frozone quipped to himself. "He could be anywhere, stay vigilant! Eyes on the prize, Lucius, eyes on the prize." He kept analyzing his surroundings before a sharp pain shot through his foot. 

    Lucius yelped and screamed several expletives before looking down and seeing a large icicle impaling his foot. He yanked it off, blood spurting all over the soft white snow and staining it red. Jack popped out from underneath.

    "Did ya miss me!?", the killer asked facetiously. He shot an icicle from his palm right through Lucius' arm and shattered the bone into tiny white splinters. Frozone screeched in agony as he grabbed his arm and tried to alleviate the horrendous pain he was feeling. "Swing, batter, batter, swing!" Jack shouted as he tossed a snowball at Lucius with all of the energy he could muster. Frozone was struck with what could only be described as the force of a thousand train crashes as his brains splashed all over the snow, chunks of his skull and bone fragments littering the forest. 

One Combatant Left

"Ice guys finish last!", Jack said triumphantly as his children feasted on the corpses of his fallen foes.


 


K.O.!



Raygan: Waaaaaah! The meanie won!

Jerry: No fucking way! The snowman won!?

Only: Correct. While Frozone held the speed advantage and Victor held the intelligence advantage, Jack was far too versatile for the others to handle. Jack's impossibly strange weakness combined with his ability to morph out of and escape any situation that could be considered lethal made him nearly impossible for the others to kill. Combine this with Jack's ability to create a seemingly unlimited number of offspring and you have one monstrously tough opponent.

Jerry: But what about Mr. Freeze's suit!? Shouldn't it have been too hard to get through!?

Only: Actually...no. This same suit was critically damaged by a can of chicken soup, eliminating all doubt of Jack being able to get through it. With no way to put him down for good, the others were just prolonging the inevitable.

Jerry: Well, it looks like Jack's competitors were on thin ice from the very beginning.

Raygan: Big mean snowman...

Only: The winner is Jack Frost.
The Winner is Jack Frost by onlyherefordb

WINNER!
+Versatile
+Couldn't be put down for good
+Clever
+Experienced and skilled killer


LOSER!
+Incredibly smart


LOSER!
+Fastest
+Best control over ice and snow


LOSER!
+Best training
+Most skilled with weapons




NEXT TIME ON DEATH BATTLE...


Stop! Hammer Time!




Nora Valkyrie energizes DEATH BATTLE!


Nora VS Mystery Opponent by onlyherefordb





Season 1, Episode 5: Deck the brawls with lots of corpses~ It's Christmas time, and you know what that means! It's time for an ice-cold bloodbath! Mortal Kombat VS Disney VS DC Comics VS A-Pix Entertainment! Four stone-cold killed killers enter, one leaves alive!
© 2015 - 2024 onlyherefordb
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Phantasm-Of-Grey34's avatar
Looks like Jack gave them all the cold shoulder!

Anyone?

I'll stop now. :(

But seriously though, good fight. :D